here in my life.

I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet but
At your Word Lord, I’ll receive Your
Faith to walk on oceans deep

And I remember how You found me:
In that very same place
All my failing surely would've drowned me
But You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus you’re the reason
I’m kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?

You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds
The way to freedom, truth of Jesus
Bought from death into His life

And I remember how You saw me:
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the cost was Your beloved for me
Still you made a way!

here in my life

hillsong

i was listening to this song while walking to school today. and it hit me. how often do we have faith in God for things in our life? where would i be without Him in my life? it took me this long to finally see the light again. the lyrics of this song really touched my heart. it spoke to me i guess. i wanted to just lift my hands up high and thank the Lord for all He has done. hahah. i did for a while but ppl were looking at me so i stopped. ahah. what happened to being undignified for God right? i will work on that. but i think what i'm trying to say is that though we face our ups and downs, He's never gonna leave us? He is always there to pick us up. i remember the times i was failing in school. and no amount of work seemed to bring my grades up. my parents thought it was the teevee. but it wasnt. it wasnt until i started putting God first, meaning giving up studying time, that i started to see some progress. haha. i've become so dependent on God lately cos i suddenly feel so alone in this world.

when you come home and you have nothing to do, you start to think about the things that happened in the morning. and you start missing home and your friends. your real friends who understand who you are and what you are like. and who are just there to support you through everything and any circumstances that you're going through. its so hard to start anew and make new friends who could understand you like that. just by one look, and they can read your mind. well, maybe it takes time. but its frustrating sometimes that its not like that. it might not be fair to out things like that though.

oh what i would give to be unreserved and unrestricted to say and do things that i want again. 

dont take this the wrong way though. its not that friends here are really horrible. haha. its just that somehow i dont feel like i fit in that well. i mean, they're there for me when i need them to be. just that the other times its hard to talk to them i guess... i'm trying to find the words to say. but i cant really describe how i'm feeling now. i guess 'left out' somehow suffices. some ppl tell me to find some common ground. but its not that easy. random stuff we can talk about. serious stuff, well, touchy subjects. i guess some things are meant to be shared. 

maybe its the way i'm acting all the time that irritates people. nobody ever tells me that my hyper-ness irritates. so i;m assuming its sth else. could it be my low self esteem and lack of confidence? i'm just like listing what i think is bad about me. and my personality. ahha. ok so lets recap. drama queen, hyper, low self esteem, lack of confidence. CHECK. you learn to be really thick skinned here. its like your sense of shame is snatched away from you so quick you dont have time to react. i'm serious. shame is only for like naked ppl. oh wait. we had naked ppl running around campus the other time so i guess that doesnt count. aahha. well, i'm not sure what's becoming of me. i was trying to strat life afresh here. i'm learning now things which is awesome. cooking and cleaning are a piece of cake now. doesnt mean i'm gonna cook and clean for all you ppl out there! ahha. cook maybe. starting life again in a different place is soooo tiring!

yes yes. i'm regretting coming here. away from all my friends whom i miss like crazy! and whom i think are the most awesome ppl on earth! haha. 

other then that, things are going fine. assignments are due soon. i got a CREDIT on my management essay. sucks! gonna try harder for my second essay. i seem to never get what's going on in management! ahha. lectures are totally boring! and tutes! ahah. we do such fun stuff that i miss the whole point of the topic! ahha. others seem to get it just fine though. ahah. maybe its just me! i need to buck up to get my average D so i can do law.

actually i was thinking of maybe finishing my commerce degree first then do law. cos looking at the way i'm going now, i might not be able to cope with a double degree. but i really wanna do law! i do i do i do! i havent given up that dream of becoming a lawyer. but it seems to be slipping away ever so slowly with every assignment and test! ahha. 

i'm picking up basketball here. so funny right! ahaahah. the brotherhood back in spore! watch out man! i'm getting better. considering that  wasnt all that great in the first place, i guess you all have nothing to worry about. ahhaha.