on my way.

was at the library studying. and i'm glad i did some. exams are drawing near and i feel like i'm been drifting by this semester. i don't know why. i cant decide if last semester was better or worse now. which scares me. cos things have been so different lately. not going into the nitty gritty details of it. but it has changed a lot. more than i hoped actually.

haven't felt alone if thats what you guys are thinking. i've been with friends. dont worry. ahha. i'm not THAT big a loser. its just that sometimes you think and second guess the choices you made. sometimes you wish things would never have happened. that shit wouldnt have come up so that things are just the way it was when it started.

but this is reality. and as all realities go, there are no happy endings. so i'm living and making the best of my not so happy ending. well, not to say that this is the end. its just a figure of speech! gosh. ok. i'm rambling. so what i'm trying to say is that, i miss jean. and jo. and my ann family. cos these are the people i know who will truly be there for me whenever i need them. no double standards. no false fronts. no shit. just true friends who believe in you and will stand by you.

it takes a lifetime to find friends like that and i'm so thankful that God has put in my life these few. you know what, its really time to start turning back to Him. that longing to be in His presence is haunting me. ok. not haunting. has been... relighted. i want to be that person i told Him i would be. i want to be that woman of God whom i desire to be. no more worrying about the future. no more worrying about what i'm meant to do and who i meet. no more worrying. period. its all up to Him now. its easier that way. and better. to do things His way.

i remember at camp, He did tell me that its not my will but HIS. and you know what, it truly is. i learnt that the hard way. so now, i'm giving it all back to Him. i'm learning to let go of my life. to let that strong grip of control i have over the wheel and hand it to Him. cos i know that drive will lead me somewhere i never expected. somewhere amazing. somewhere awesome.

i don't have anything to say to those who pretend to be who they're not. just that, if you continue living your life like that, no one's gonna help you out of that shit hole.